Needs and wants who really knows the difference.

I very deeply feel the NEED to write. Well to type, the spew forth words from my hands. I love writing I always have. I've journaled over the years. I've written poetry. I could always write reports the night before they were due and get an A no problem. I actually enjoy it.

But lately I'm so tired of looking at words on a computer screen that I don't WANT to write anymore. I want to express myself and tell the world how I feel and what I think. However the thought of sitting down at the computer to type it out exhausts me, JUST THE THOUGHT. Not even the action of doing it.

I've started and deleted about 6 posts recently. Simply because I spend so much time at the computer already doing other things (paying bills, and selling stuff that I make on ebay and etsy, check me out I'll post links at the bottom). I start to put my thoughts down and then I have to stop for one reason or another. By the time I get back to them I don't remember where I was going or what I was even thinking in order to complete the post.

I spend a lot of time crocheting now. That's actually why there was such a large gap in my posts. I taught myself to crochet. I really do love it. I enjoy making things for people. So that takes up a lot of my time these days. I watch kids, I crochet, I take care of my kids. And once all that is said and done.... I just want to sleep. Oh and how I LOVE to sleep. There is NOTHING better in the world then knowing you can sleep in. Or that occasional surprise "hubby was supposed to wake me up at Oh-dear-god o'clock, and let me sleep until what-were-you-thinking thirty". It's nice but then I get NOTHING  done. Well nothing I wanted to do anyway. All the things I don't want to do still manage to find their way into my day.

I guess my point is that it's hard being a mom.... I'll bet if you're reading this you had NO IDEA. Am I right?? You just happened across a mommy blog not knowing what it was going to be about...?? RIGHT?!?!

So this one goes out to all the moms out there that don't feel like they are good enough, or fast enough, or talented enough. And to all the moms (the very small percentage I might add), who make the rest of us look bad, by having your hair, make-up and outfits look perfect, and your car not smell like sour milk with dried cheerios stuck EVERYWHERE, and your neat and tidy houses. Thank you for whatever kind of drugs you do, or time machine you use to make the rest of us resent you and all of your perfectly placed china and flatware (you know when you have us over for your dinner parties).

It makes us hate ourselves 10X more than we could ever hate you. We don't want to admit it, but we want to be you. So PLEASE share your aderol, or whatever your kids ADHD drug of choice is that you are OBVIOUSLY stealing, with me. So I can at least make my house look as clean when you come over for coffee, as I know your house is all the time.

I've gotten completely off course. I wanted to write about how stressful it is to take care of a family and find time to do something I am passionate about (writing, just in case you weren't sure). And I've gone off on a tangent..... I guess that's what happens. That's how all my GOOD conversations go anyway. We start off on one topic and weave our way around and thru to another COMPLETELY unrelated subject.

My needs and wants, since the New Year is upon us.... By the way that reminds me. Why do we make such a big fuss out of the "New Year"?? I mean yeah we have to buy all new calendars. And new novelty glasses saying what the new year is. My personal favorite was 2002. Why?? You might be asking. Well just because I like symmetry.

I mean come on don't those look better than ANY of the others since?? 

Off topic AGAIN. Why do we make such a big deal out of New Years... No wait that wasn't it... Why are those other moms so perfect... Not it either... Being a mom is rough and keeping myself on topic is even harder. 

I applaud my husband who has been able to put up with my topic changes and mood swings (hey it happens don't judge me), for so long. In February we will have been married for 7 amazing and wonderful years. I can't imagine my life without him. 

 So back to my needs and wants... I NEED to clean my house, and I WANT to write more. But seeing as how I'm sure I'm going to have one of those perfect moms over any day now for coffee. Sadly writing loses and cleaning wins. 

By the way, for those of you who are interested, here's my Etsy link:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/MommamandaCreations?ref=top_trail

And here's my Ebay link:

http://myworld.ebay.com/mommamandacreations?_trksid=p2047675.l2559

It's pretty much all the same stuff. On Etsy though I can take  special requests... And Ebay you can just bid and a lot of times not have to spend as much.....

Ok that's my time. Until the New Year people!! 

MommaManda OUT!!

And now for something a little more up tempo...

This is a picture from slower (not necessarily better) times. Before I had a teenager and when my boys where still my little boys. This edition is about what has changed.

I have a teenager... Wait that's not how I want to start this.

Two months ago I had the GREAT idea to give Gwen a cell phone. I think the change happened overnight, she became a teenager. Texting and watching youtube videos on her phone. To top it all off she walks out of the room when she answers the phone. Which I suppose is better then sitting in the middle of the room laughing and saying things like "OMG no she didn't" and "I would have been SSSSOOOOOOOO embarrassed".

So now everywhere she goes she has her phone.  which is good 'cause I can text her when shes outside or on the second floor. But the outcome is that I have a teenager.

I love my teenager, I really do. But I mean after all she is a teenager. So the next step is fighting and door slamming and threats right?? I mean that's what parents and teenagers do, isn't it?? I threaten to... blah blah her blah blah and in return she fights with me and slams doors in my face... That's how its supposed to go yes??

Well whatever happens next I'm prepared. I have a hammer and flat head screwdriver. So I can take all the doors off their hinges if need be. And I won't just threaten to blah blah her blah blah, I'll actually do it, so then it'll be more like a promise... right??

In other developments, Ailyn is asking to go potty and has actually peed twice now. So that ones growing up too.

Oh and Michael is out on his very first non-family sleepover tonight. Connor is with him. They are at Connor (and now Michaels) best friends house.

Connor is going to be in second grade next year. At least not a lot has changed about him. OH WAIT Connor can pronounce "L" now and can read really well all by himself.

I know kids are supposed to grow up. But I still feel like they are all my babies, and I should be helping them with well everything. I've been looking at pictures from when they were all babies lately and I can't believe where the time has gone.

Well I'm off to bed. Oh did I mention ALL THREE of my oldest children are out on sleepovers tonight?? And Scott was at work most of the night leaving me with just Ailyn. I haven't had a night like that since Gwen was little. I'm glad it's almost over, I miss my other kids. I'm going to go to bed now and dream of when they were little again....

Night interwebz.

Soooooo yeah HI...

So its been almost 2 years since I've blogged....

Let's catch up, Michael is potty trained. Ailyn is walking and talking. Connor can read an entire book on his own. Gwen is a middle schooler/pre-teen. We moved to a new house. I'm still babysitting. I still love my husband.... OK now that we are up to date on my day to day life, lets get on to more important things.

I'm kind of at a loss for words today. (And yet I'm writing this, go figure.) A very close friend's dad died yesterday. He was swimming in the ocean and a strong tide pulled him down and he couldn't get back.

I'm totally freaked out. I've known this family since I was FIVE, that's right FIVE. I was in kindergarten when I met them. No matter how far apart we are or how little we keep in touch at times, this girl has always been close to my heart. Maybe it's because we have the same name, maybe it's because we played the same game on the blacktop of the playground at our elementary school for like 3 years... I don't know what it is. But this girl is one of my favorite people in the world!! So loosing her dad has just hit me really hard. Harder than I ever expected.

I don't pray. But if I did I would be praying for her family right now. I've been trying to hold it together in public and in front of my kids, but pretty much any time I've been at the computer today, looking at facebook, I lose it. I want to be strong for my kids, because well lets face it they don't know what's going on. I want to be strong for my friend, because well how in the hell is one more person crying at her going to help??

In conclusion, I should do this more often. Blog, that is, not talk about friend's parents dying. In fact if I never had to discuss another friends lose of a parent for a long LONG time, I wouldn't mind that one bit.

I hope those of you that read this and do pray (unlike myself), will pray for my dear friend and her families loss. And I hope that somewhere out there all the people I love know that I love them.

TTFN ( Ta Ta For Now)